Oh hey there feeble Midgardians , tis’ another time for one of Alex’s dumb ass reviews. Today we will have a gander at the most recent issues of the ongoing series Journey into Mystery 629 and 630. The first of the two this is all I have to say…..The art gave it no justice, it was very uneventful art wise (which is my opinion don’t dispute it)
Kieron Gillen wrote this issue and the art was done by Whilce Portacio….Remember my last review? Well Loki did it! His rag tag team was successful in helping to bring down the serpent, in the most bad ass way possible too. Also remember when I said he stole the shadow of Surtur’s sword? Well they made a deal at that time, If Loki can use the sword, Surtur would be freed (keep that in mind). Loki and his team (Loki’s Magic Secret Action Squad as he called it) Snuck into Dark Asgard aka the giant floating island of evil. Loki then proceeds to release Surtur into the bowels of Dark Asgard where he would consume the energy of the isle (damn Loki will you ever stop being so magnificent?).
As they get out of the island, Loki watches to his dismay that the prophecy has come true, Thor has lost his life protecting Midgard (not without making the Serpent his bitch first) .
The whole plan was just wishful thinking, Loki just wanted to try out the WTF plan just in case it worked.
So with that Fear Itself (the main issues anyway) has winded down, but it is not exactly finished because there will be more tie ins than people go through toilet paper at a Mexican Restaurant. In Journey into Mystery 630 you will hear how Fear Itself has transpired…..Volstagg the voluminous’ version anyway (AWWWWWW SHIIIIT) And the art from Richard Elson just accompanies this so well, like an actual storybook!
Just in case you don’t know Volstagg, he is the portly (fat) one from the awesome trio that is The Warriors Three, essentially the coolest motherfucker around.
FUCK YEAH VOLSTAGG
Issue starts with Heimdall waking up to see the Destroyer armor outside as if no one took it (TOTALLY LEGIT GUYS). Then it cuts away to Loki and Toothgnasher and Toothgrinder, Thor’s mystical goats (that could totally kick your ass). Loki has a magic chain attached to them and he is luring the goats away from the roots of Yggdrasil as if pulling something from inside the tre- OH FUCK THERE IS SOME SORT OF HEAVY ASS ARMOR COMING OUT. When the goats finish the job Loki checks in the armor, who is in it you ask? MOTHERFUCKING VOLSTAGG . He and Loki were in cahoots to help Thor…..He was controlling THE FUCKING DESTROYER ARMOR! (It’s magic, I don’t gotta explain shit).Volstagg tells Loki he don’t want to see him anymore because he feels he helped Loki kill Thor (No, man NOOOO! It was for the greater good!). So with that he leaves Loki be.
This is when the story makes you DAWWWWW, Volstagg barges into his own house surprising his kids (who all pile on to him at once). He tells them to gather ‘round for he has a story for them (at this time you get your ass all sorts of comfortable). The way Volstagg sums up everything is like one of the best children’s stories ever and it’s filled with….You know when your dad/caretaker would do a self insert story and they would be all strong/brave/perfect? This story has just that
Notice how he is all buff and shit.
I mean you know how The Worthy all had hammers in Fear Itself? LOL Oh Volstagg you so crazy
Then the kids find out about Thor’s demise, but they take it so well;_; i mean they are sad that he is well, dead. But they know he fought to save everyone. This whole issue was really touching (again, my opinion) and while Volstagg’s story isn‘t completely canon it is a really fun read…..This issue has become one of my personal favorites artistically and story wise. I REALLY recommend Journey into Mystery #630, so get your ass into a comfortable fuckin’ couch and put dat Snuggie on and read this.