Sunday, February 26, 2012

"I Wanna Be The Guy: The Movie: The Game" Review

What's up my milleniu- OH MY FREAKING GOD THIS GAME MAKES ME- (section deleting due to strong language) THAT MY EYEBALL VEINS TURN BLUE!!!

Whoooooooooo..... I think I'm calm... Wait a minute NO I'M NOT THIS GAME MAKES WANNA PUNCH BABIES PEOPLE! BABIES! I honestly wish to go into a puppy shelter and start flinging them at the walls! And you guys know me! I'm not that violent! I HATE THIS GAME!!!! Oh you don't believe me?! Here: Go download the game! Play it! You won't even make it past the first screen!!! God knows I didn't! I DARE YOU!!!!

I'll try to control myself but it's damn near impossible! If you've played the game, you KNOW what I'm talking about.

Ok without further ado, let's dive into the flash game: I Wanna Be The Guy: The Movie: The Game..... Even the name pisses me off

So the story is that the Guy left World and now The Kid wants to be The Guy so he's gonna go out with his gun that The Grandfather The Guy gave him and is going to face The Guy and you really don't give a damn already do you? And I'm not making that up. That's the plot. Don't you love the creative leaps they made with the characters names?

So you have to go out and get these eight items which-

Oh you suck...
Ok so the plot makes no friggin sense, whatever maybe the game play is bett-


So let me just explain the game play in one word: PRECISION. Every jump, every bullet, every friggin move has to be PRECISE! You can't just barge in there like a brothel. You gotta treat this like your honeymoon and take your time. And I guarantee you won't make it very far before dying unless you've played the whole thing through and memorized every friggin-

GOD DAMN THIS IS SOO HARD!!!! I'm not kidding you, I can't even make it past the first level on medium people, MEDIUM! Now a lot of people praise this game because of its brilliant layout and genius level of difficulty which some people argue is what recent video games lack. Some even think that this game is very reminiscent to games like Megaman and Castlevania because of its difficulty, hell the Kid is Megaman-esque and Dracula from Symphony of the Night makes an appearance as a boss. As a matter of fact, the whole game is a call back to all the memorable games from the 8-bit and 16-bit eras. The graphics for the levels are almost exactly like the Mario games. But despite all this, does this make IWBTG a GOOD game? Sure while Megaman and Castlevania were difficult and there are similarities, those games were by far superior in my opinion. The developers actually gave a damn and taught you through the game play, making it so that you can adapt to each level and formulate some sort of plan to fit each obstacle. They made it so that it was justified when you died, because they gave you a far warning of what was going to happen, like the Hammer Joes from Megaman. IWBTG doesn't even bother to teach you. It's really just a guessing game, which might be ok for some gamers, but for me, there should be a fair level of difficulty. There has to be a way to teach the player, not just make the game hard as hell by throwing spikes all over the damn screen and having unexpected obstacles that come out of no where that kill you every damn time you try to OH MY GOD I HATE THIS GAME!

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